Raiders of the Lost Passport

by Passport Jones

It was one of those days where you know not a damn thing is going to go right. Dr. Indiana Jones knew that feeling all too well and today it was worse than ever, he had lost his passport. He had precisely two hours to find it before his flight to Australia left. He turned his study upside down looking for the small book, but no such luck, the passport was nowhere to be found. He cursed to himself as he maundered about his house.

"Where the hell did I put that stupid thing!" Indy cursed.

He fumbled over the pile of books stacked on the floor as the door bell rang. He quickly left the study going to the front door. He opened the door and was eruptively attacked by two men. The men grabbed Indy pinning him to the wall. Indy, his face vexed and yet surprised, struggled against the strength of the two buff men.

"What do you want?" He demanded.

"The artifact, Dr. Jones." A woman's voice said from the doorway.

Indy peered around the two buff men to see the woman. She had long slick black hair and was dressed fashionably in a black skin-tight leather catsuit. But the most noticeable feature about her, to Indy, was the dark green Boa that hung over her shoulders. He cringed as the snake wrapped itself around the woman’s right arm. Its head, flat and sleek. Indy stared at the snake warily as it stared back at him.

“That’s the biggest damn snake I’ve ever seen.” He thought.

“Now, Dr. Jones, where’s the artifact?” The woman asked, as she approached.

“Artifact? What artifact?” Indy said, slightly confused.

The woman made a faint smirk as she held the snake closer to him.

Indy’s eyes went wide as the snake’s head moved closer to his face. It flicked its tongue at him as it hissed.

“Playing stupid won’t get you very far, Jones.” The woman said, her tone now stern.

“Look, I don’t have any artifact. I don’t know who you people think you are but it will take more than shoving a snake in my face to get me to tell you about this ‘artifact’, whatever it may be.” Indy snapped, still watching the snake.

The woman laughed. “We were sent here because our master is quite certain you are in possession of the artifact.”

Indy made an irritated look. “I don’t have any artifact.”

“You will regret being so defiant, Dr. Jones.” The woman hissed.

Indy glanced around then kicked the woman back away from him, making her drop the Boa. He pulled his self free of the two goons and ran sliding on the wood floor. He grabbed his whip from his bag, turning around. The whip cracked as it wrapped around the first goon’s wrist. The goon smirked as he grabbed the whip pulling Indy towards him. By the time Indy dropped the whip he was already staring up at the large man. Indy made an unsure grin as the goon looked at him menacingly.

“I’m going to squash you like a bug.” The goon snarled.

“Heh...... heh” Indy slowly stepped back.

The goon threw his left fist at Indy as he tried to escape. Indy ducked then punched the goon several times in the stomach. He glanced up at the man’s face. The goon was grinning deviously. He didn’t feel a thing. Indy groaned as his hopes of defeating this guy went down the drain. The goon threw his right fist hitting Indy square in the face. The punch knocked Indy to the floor causing him to slide across the wood flooring into the kitchen. He let out a painful groan as he hit the refrigerator. He sheltered his head with his arms as the books on top of the refrigerator crashed down on top of him. He tried to catch his breath as he laid on the floor covered in books. He looked up to see the large goon standing over him.

“This is just not my day.” He groaned as the goon picked him up by the collar of his jacket.

The goon shoved Indy into the counter by a bottle of whiskey. Indy grabbed the bottle pulling out the cork. He smirked as he thrust the bottle forward. The whiskey flew out of the bottle splashing across the goons face. The goon shrieked as the whiskey burned his eyes. Indy smirked then took a swig of the whiskey. He grabbed a match lighting it. He held up the lighted match and spat out the whiskey. The whiskey hit the flame erupting into a ball of fire. The fire ball hit the goon lighting him up like a Roman Candle. The goon screamed as he ran back into the living room crashing through one of the windows. Indy made a smug look as he took a gulp of the whiskey when the second goon grabbed him. He spun around smashing the bottle over the man’s head. Indy paused as the man just looked at him.

“There goes a good bottle of Jack.” He mumbled as the thug picked him up and body slammed him into the dinning room table.

The table broke in half as the second goon slammed Indy into it. Indy groaned as the thug stood over him mockingly.

“Give up yet, chicken?” The goon said half laughing. “I heard much about you Indiana Jones. But it seems you are not the same Indiana Jones I’ve heard about. You’re a weakling.”

The goon laughed, taunting Indy. Indy curled his upper lip as he kicked the thug in the stomach knocking the wind out of him. He quickly got to his feet then punched the man several times. The goon looked shocked when Indy threw his right fist at the man, hitting him square in the face. The goon stumbled back falling into the suit of armor behind him. The axe the suit of armor held penetrated the goon’s back killing him.

“Weakling, huh.” Indy snorted as he cracked his knuckles.

He quickly turned around grabbing the wrist of the woman in the black catsuit. He gently twisted her wrist making her drop the dagger in her hand.

“If I were you, doll face, I’d take this as a defeat and leave.” Indy said, his eyes narrowed.

The woman smirked as she shoved her knee into his groin. Indy closed his eyes for a moment as he let go of the woman’s wrist. He slowly dropped down on one knee.

“I usually don’t hit women, but for you I’ll make that exception.” He groaned as he glanced back at the woman cursedly.

The woman smirked. “Don’t hold back, Dr. Jones. I’ll have you pleading for mercy sooner than you could possibly comprehend.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t intend on holding back.” He said sternly.

The woman watched smugly as the tired man got to his feet. She immediately kicked him in the jaw making him stumble. Indy rubbed his jaw then lunged at the woman punching her. She shook her head, shrugging it off as she grabbed an African hunting spear off the wall. Indy’s eyes became wide as the woman threw the spear at him. He quickly dodged the spear as it flew past him, almost hitting him. He cocked his head to the left looking at the spear that was now stuck in the wall. He looked back at the woman as she ran at him tackling him to the floor. She sat on top of him with a knife to his throat.

“You know on any other day I would be more than happy to have a beautiful mysterious woman sitting on top of me, but right now I’m not in a very good mood.” Indy quipped as he flung the woman over him.

The woman landed on her back with a groan as Indy jumped to his feet.

“I just wanted to find my damn passport, but no, you guys had to show up and pick a fight. I don’t even know what the hell you people are talking about.” Indy sneered as the woman stood up.

“Oh I’m sorry we caught you at a bad time.” She said sarcastically as she kicked him.

Indy grabbed her foot twisting it slightly to make her flip over and fall onto her stomach. He quickly grabbed his whip and hog-tied the woman with it.

“Finally, now to find that pass.....” Indy said, his voice going to a mumble as he felt something move up his leg.

He looked down to see the Boa wrapping itself around his left leg. His face went pale as the snake looked up at him, flicking its tongue.

“I hate snakes!” Indy shouted as he kicked his leg vigorously.

He hopped up and down on one foot as he moved into the living room. The snakes grip loosened and with one final kick it flew off Indy’s leg and out the broken window. He smirked as he watched the snake fly out the window then realized he was losing his balance. He stumbled back falling back into one of his arm chairs. The chair fell backwards as Indy landed in it. He stared up as the ceiling trying to catch his breath. He looked to his left as the bedroom door opened and Marion came out.

“What the hell are you doing, Jones?” She said walking out, her hair nicely done.

She slipped on her sweater as she walked over to him, looking around the destroyed house.

“Why can’t I just date a normal guy.” She thought as she knelt down beside Indy.

“You were in the bedroom the whole time?” Indy looked at her with crossly.

“What? You thought I was going to come out here and save you?” She said half laughing. “You’re nothing but trouble, Jones, you know that. You better hurry up we have a flight to catch.”

“Why bother, I can’t find my damn passport.” He said, out of breath.

Marion rolled her eyes as she reached into his jacket pocket.

“You mean this?” She quipped as she pulled out his passport. “I stuck it in there so you wouldn’t lose it, you could’ve just asked.”

Indy looked at her cursedly.

“What?” She smiled. “Come on, Jones, we need to go.”

“Forget it, I’m going back to bed.” He groaned getting up.

Marion watched him as he walked painfully to his room shutting the door.

“Men.” She rolled her eyes.




THE END